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Eileen R. Tabios
The Secret Life of an Angel
(--after Jose Garcia Villa’s “Girl Singing…”)
Girl singing. Day. The old man
of winter reaches for immortality with a lengthening shadow despite my skipping away.
Girl singing! I insist. Day! I chant like the Babaylan I will become to keep the clouds
from dimming the sun, from milking the sky of its cobalt gaze. He has worn many
disguises, and I have let him: the original angel who fell and fell. “It’s a glorious ride,”
he has whispered as part of his spell. “This is a game of poker I have lost, but no longer wish
to play,” I reply. Girl singing. Day. I insist and proclaim: “You cannot scoff, my secret
demon. For I played with high stakes while you only watched.” Girl singing. Day. I risked
everything while you hedged so I could sing notes only virgin boys can muster,
only fearlful dogs can hear. I lost myself in the ‘valley of evil’ but my wings unfurled
to make me rise. Unlike your wings, mine did not betray— unfurling as I changed my mind
for Heaven nearer than a breath away.
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